I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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