My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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