k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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