I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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