thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
