Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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