i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
