capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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