btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize