i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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