I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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