Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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