did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
