I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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