see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize