I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
