I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
as a side note pls kill me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
