i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
