what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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