pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do herpes really smell.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
