oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
