he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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