I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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