More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
