he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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