Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
