After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That was before I lit my hair on fire
im on a boat
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