I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
