their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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