i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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