i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
