Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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