We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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