im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
