mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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