too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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