just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there was a trapeze. enough said
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
