what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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