John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
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