New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My vagina just clenched in fear
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
