Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
