he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
