do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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