Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
