so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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