Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
