Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
