My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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