I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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