Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
