I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize