Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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