I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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