shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
