Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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