I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize