May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
