Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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