i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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