I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Damn victory sex feels great
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize