at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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