so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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