I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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