meet me or not, i'm out of control
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
