No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
