i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have feelings that need drinking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
