Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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