the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize