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You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
