I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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