I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
