Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
