Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
