VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize