he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
