So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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