mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
