my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
