is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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