I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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