I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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