i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
