When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
