Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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