i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
