nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
