I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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