I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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