I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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