i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize