Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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