just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
