Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
