I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
