He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
