Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
