How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
