Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
