thus making me awesome and them whores
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
