he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
