im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
