You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
