Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize