i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
