Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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