They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
